Everything you know is wrong
by The Little House Scribe
Summary: Ron Weasley is stunned at the antics of Harry and Ginny at the close of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince:  Sectumsempra.  So, his poor mind calls up a song...


"**Quid agis?" he said tentatively to the Fat Lady, wondering what he would find inside.**

**Her expression was unreadable as she replied, "You'll see."**

**And she swung forward.**

**A roar of celebration erupted from the hole behind her. Harry gaped as people began to scream at the sight of him; several hands pulled him into the room.**

"**We won!" yelled Ron, bounding into sight and brandishing the silver Cup at Harry. "We won! Four hundred and fifty to a hundred and forty! We won!"**

**Harry looked around; there was Ginny running toward him; she had a hard, blazing look in her face as she threw her arms around him. And without thinking, without planning it, without worrying about the fact that fifty people were watching, Harry kissed her.**

**After several long moments — or it might have been half an hour — or possibly several sunlit days — they broke apart. The room had gone very quiet. Then several people wolf-whistled and there was an outbreak of nervous giggling. Harry looked over the top of Ginny's head to see Dean Thomas holding a shattered glass in his hand, and Romilda Vane looking as though she might throw something. Hermione was beaming, but Harry's eyes sought Ron. At last he found him, still clutching the Cup and wearing an expression appropriate to having been clubbed over the head. **

**For a fraction of a second they looked at each other, then Ron gave a tiny jerk of the head that Harry understood to mean, Well — if you must.**

**The creature in his chest roaring in triumph, he grinned down at Ginny and gestured wordlessly out of the portrait hole. A long walk in the grounds seemed indicated, during which — if they had time — they might discuss the match.**

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

Ron Weasley was one to experience strong emotions. The morning brought gut-churning nervousness, the afternoon (mainly thanks to Hermione, though Ron dared not admit it) – growing confidence, and, after the Quidditch match, victorious elation.

But now, with his shocked expression gazing at the portrait where his best mate and sister had left a stunned and gossiping Common Room, Ron felt a sudden epiphany. In his peripheral vision, he saw Hermione looking at him, concern for him, and for Harry and Ginny evident in her face.

'_Thank you for your concern, Hermione, but it is unnecessary. I'm not going to storm up to them and rip them apart.' _Ron thinks to himself. '_I'm having enough trouble forming coherent thoughts right now. That was so…unexpected. What kind of a best mate is Harry when he doesn't tell me he fancies my sister…Wait…Did I want to know? Hermione probably knew, as she has braincells – and doesn't have the 'Emotional range of a teaspoon.' '_

Ron started feeling the urge to break into song. In a normal state he may have been able to resist, but his shocked mind went along with the whim he formed.

"_I was dancing on the sofa in the common room_

_With the Quidditch cup in my hands  
>When suddenly the portrait of the Fat Lady<br>Opened right up and suddenly all of the people in Gryffindor tower rose and blocked my view  
><em>  
>I guessed, "Is it Colin or Dennis Creevey?"<br>"Is it Fay or Cormac or Romilda?"  
>"Could it be Bill or Jimmy or Jack or Andrew or Ritchie?"<br>I probably would have kept on guessing  
>But about that time the crowd parted<p>

And as I'm laying dazed there on the sofa

Finally I recognize the face of Harry Potter  
>Who stops snogging Ginny on the lips and tells me<p>

_'Everything you know is wrong  
>Black is white, up is down and short is long<br>And everything you thought was just so  
>Important doesn't matter<em>

_Everything you know is wrong  
>Just forget the words and sing along<br>All you need to understand is  
>Everything you know is wrong'"<em> 

The whole common room turned to stare at Ron. Dean Thomas looked down at his bloodied hand and wondered whether singing would be a better method of alleviating his stress. So, he started humming along and tapping his foot to the beat.

"_I was walkin' to the common room after Quidditch practice  
>When I accidentally stumbled upon Ginny and Dean<br>And I got very angry and I hooked up with a girl  
>Who kinda looked like Jesse Cave<em>

_She sucked out my internal organs  
>And she bruised my lips <em>

_And said I was a darn good sport  
>And as a way of saying thank you<br>She offered to escort me  
>Anyplace that I would care to go<em>

But I refused and that broke her heart  
>So I could be friends with Hermione again<br>Just then the floating nearly disembodied head of  
>Nearly-Headless Nick started singing<p>

_'Everything you know is wrong  
>Black is white, up is down and short is long<br>And everything you thought was just so  
>Important doesn't matter<em>

_Everything you know is wrong  
>Just forget the words and sing along<br>All you need to understand is  
>Everything you know is wrong'<em>

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin brothers  
>When I got a nasty papercut<br>And, well, to make a long story short  
>It got infected and I got sick<p>

So now I'm up in Madam Pomfrey

Inside the Hospital Wing  
>And it's obvious she doesn't like<br>The Quidditch uniform that I'm wearing  
>She tells me that they've got a dress code<p>

Well, she lets me into the hospital wing anyway  
>But I get the bed next to a noisy machine<p>

For all my stay  
>And every day she runs by screaming<p>

'_Everything you know is wrong  
>Black is white, up is down and short is long<br>And everything you used to think was so important  
>Doesn't really matter anymore<br>Because the simple fact remains that_

_Everything you know is wrong  
>Just forget the words and sing along<br>All you need to understand is  
>Everything you know is wrong<br>Everything you know is wrong'"_

Ron finished his song. Seamus began cackling whilst slapping Dean on the back, and Hermione looked at Ron with an expression that clearly said.

"Oh, Ron!"

A/N: I own nothing. Song is Everything you know is wrong by Weird Al Yankovic.


End file.
